2 // Let them be
Diving straight in
Of all the non-concrete, ethereal, non-definite decisions that are made for us, gender seems like a pretty distinct categorization.
Could it be that because of the gender socialization we assign to each physical gender, we add so much confusion to those who don't fit in the box?
Can we celebrate our biological gender, and instead put our "gender roles" into question?
Heres a thought I am wrestling with that I would love to hear your insights on. In the Adam's chapter "The cycle of Socialization" he discusses that before we are born no one inquires which gender, class, religion, sexual orientation, etc we will be born into ( Adams, 2013). I agree that we cannot choose the beliefs, culture, or status in which those who raise us impart to us, but what about gender.
You are born with male or female parts. Please bear with me for a second and extend me some grace as I wrestle through this. For the sake of this discussion I am defining gender as the physical parts that each human is born with. I know there are many caveats to this as people are born with genetic mutations and hormone imbalances that make this issue not quite as "this or that". I am also not discounting that someone can not feel at home in their bodily designated gender. It is actually for those same people who feel trapped that I am arguing.
In the case of someone who is physically female but resonates more with the male socialization, why should we make them doubt that they are female. They have been given those parts- that is how they were made and a part of their structure. What if they could feel safe in how they are structured while still expressing themselves in whatever gender category they would like. The example person can feel safe as a female, in fact embrace who they are, yet also feeling safe to express themselves in more of a male manor. If we didn't have such a boys are blue, girls are pink society then there wouldn't be such a box for them to feel so ill fit.
I specifically am thinking of this in light of the "bathroom gender" discussion. I can see both sides of the argument and definitely think options need to be made available. But what concerns me is the effect it will have on our adolescents. Middle school is hard. Having one more thing, your own gender now in question, in light of everything else that is changing in life for them seems so detrimental. If we don't allow kids to vote until 18, drive until 16 and drink until 21 because we are unsure of their decision making abilities, why oh why would we trust them to make this large of a decision on their own. Casting away their designated gender to choose another. This being done without knowing more than a teaspoon of who they are yet, or the implications of those choices.
Can we celebrate our biological gender, and instead put our "gender roles" into question?
Basically what I am thinking is regardless of how the child feels, reminding them to celebrate the gender they were born with. It is no greater or lesser than the other and they are not limited to the socialization associated with that gender. But can we please not make them feel like they were born in the wrong body? The confusion that would bring overwhelms me.
In light of our societies socialization being an obvious problem, could we leave gender out of it and instead attack the boxes we put people in? Is it possible to get ride of the societal boxes but keep the biological genders or do y'all see those two as too intertwined? Do you define gender similarly or differently?
I am seeking to understand
Also I think I am in the "Reaching Out" stage of Liberation :) So moving forward if you have ideas of how thinking this way would change how we would interact with our communities and handle these issues I would love to hear them!
"Once you know something, you can't not know it amymore, and not knowing it eventually translates it into action"- Adams (2013)
Adams, M. (2013). Readings for diversity and social justice (3rd ed.). New York: Routledge.
WOW!! First, I just want to let you know that I really really enjoyed reading your post. You are a beautiful writer and I found your post super intriguing. At first, I was unsure as to whether I should comment on your post, because unfortunately I do not have any insight about your questions. But, here I am because I wanted to let you know that your words were just a huge light bulb moment for me! Gender identity is something I have never given much thought to, because it is not something that I personally relate to, and I don’t mean that to come off as me being insensitive or ignorant. It just means that when I hear of individuals struggling with gender identity, I don’t call into question the “why” of their feelings, and am afraid if I did that it would sound like I am questioning the way they feel. So, for today, for probably the first time, your blog finally has me reflecting on the question of “why”. Does it all trace back to our initial ideas of how boys and girls should act? I really liked when you questioned the case of someone who is physically female but resonates more with male socialization, and how as a society we have made them doubt that they are female. I believe that if we did away with the gender stereotypes completely and stopped putting people in boxes, then it could help prevent the oppression of people struggling with gender identity. I am sorry that I couldn’t help with answering any of your questions, but they have stirred up some conversation in my brain, and I very thankful you shared your thoughts!
ReplyDeleteHello Amy! I enjoyed your post, and I thank you for delving into a very controversial subject. I agree with you that many of the roles that we stress are for girls only or boys only are unnecessary. They are domineered purely by our pop culture of the day. Like the color pink. Pink used to be for men only because it was too strong a color. It is now viewed as a color for girls. Either way though, it is just a color and irrelevant when it comes to gender or roles. Making people feel comfortable as they are in my opinion is a true win. The suicide rates for people who feel they are born the wrong gender don’t show any significant in going up or down depending on whether or not they are accepted as the gender they claim or not. Maybe this would change if instead of giving them a full make over and push them into completely different roles, feeling like we are accommodating them, we teach them to love themselves for who they are. I also agree with the gendered restrooms issue. The last thing preteens that are already uncomfortable with themselves need is to be put into positions that just scream awkward. What is someone halfway through middle school decides they may want to start using the other restroom? Oh my goodness, I can imagine the awkwardness that they would feel trying to express a new identity, without seeming like a whole new person. And most people won’t want to hear this, but giving boy and girls the option to go into whatever bathrooms they want at such a curious age if definitely not a good idea. It would be harder to monitor the youth, especially with how US stall doors are made with slits in them.
ReplyDeleteReading your post made me rethink about Harro's writing. I even went back and reread the assigned readings. You dove into a controversial topic and it made me rethink about the roles we are born into. I never heard the argument what age people are able to make decisions when talking about who identity as different genders. Your post has motivated me to think more about gender identity. I like to think I have an open mind and a clear opinion about controversial topics, but when it comes to gender identity I do not know how to respond. I do not relate at all to these issues. When I hear issues about gender identity I do not what to give any input. I am afraid I to say something. Your post has given me insights about the feelings about how people feel about their identity.
ReplyDeleteHey Amy!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, thank you for sharing your passionate thoughts about gender difference. The first thing that drawn me into your post was the title of this post, “LET THEM BE”. When I saw that title I automatically thought about homosexual people who are afraid to come out and be confident in themselves because of this society. However, what I read here was different from what I thought it would be. All your sentences that were highlighted in blue were so touching and first thing I said to myself was this girl knows where she is standing! I really liked how you mentioned the confusion this society creates for those who think they are different from others and feel isolated. Why do they have to feel confused because they don’t fit in the box? Why do we even have to call them different? I think we need to make each one of them feel that they can belong anywhere like others and truly believe in themselves. When you mentioned about the “bathroom gender”, it reminded me how I thought about which bathroom do gay people use. I felt so shameful. Amen to when you said, “can we celebrate our biological gender, and instead put our “gender roles” into question?” I really think no one should feel limited to belong somewhere. We were all born as same human beings so why should we even feel different from others? Let them be who they are. Thanks for reminding me of how we should feel as human beings.
Hi Amy,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I would like to say that I appreciate your candor as you are beginning to work out the very complicated topic of sex, gender roles, and gender identity. I am no expert myself, but I do feel I can provide some clarity to your post. The biological “gender” one is typically assigned at birth is usually referred to as “assigned sex” rather than gender (“gender,” or “gender identity” more specifically, refers to how one identifies socially, mentally, and/or emotionally, which may differ from their assigned sex). Your idea about “attacking the boxes” is certainly beginning to gain ground via trans* activism as well as through some well-informed parents (though not nearly as many as one would hope). I think the main idea you are wrestling with though (if my understanding is correct) is the idea of getting rid of gender socialization completely, allowing everyone to express their gender identity as they see fit regardless of their body parts. You are certainly onto something with this. Currently, I would say this most fits with the idea of gender fluidity (which is also gaining ground) or even being agender. I think the idea of allowing people who are struggling with their gender identity to still be comfortable with their bodies is extremely important and fits in with the ever-growing body positivity movement. However, because our sex is assigned based on our genitalia, it has come to represent (for some people) what makes them either a man or woman because it determines how we are socialized as children. If we did away with this “assigning” and “socializing” based on sex and gender and just taught children to be people (especially considering how much more complicated the biological aspects are than most people realize i.e. how we assign sex can differ based on hormones, physical characteristics, chromosomes, and even fertility), our society might be much more open, accepting, and better-off. However, these kinds of shifts will take time.
Thanks so much, Amy!! You have fostered a wonderful and informative dialogue with your classmates. Thank you everyone for your thoughtful and insightful responses. I wanted to share this article about the changing meanings of gender and sexuality:
ReplyDeletehttp://time.com/4703309/gender-sexuality-changing/